"She looked at the sky and gaze at the stars… it was wonderful… and definitely look peaceful in the middle of the night. Then tears fell from her eyes. She thought that everything about it was so good and that everything should be good… but it wasn’t that way… because her heart bleeds."
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The question is… am I even ready for anything right now? Am I ready for these changes?
I heard someone said, “You have to be ready to embrace whatever comes along… be adaptable.”
It pays to be adaptable. I am aware of that. Its just that this is one of those moments when I feel so scared about things… like those moments when I needed strong words that will help me fill my confidence tank that will somehow give me enough strength to handle what comes along and handle it wisely.
Meet Rai-Rai, an 18 year-old Mamanwa, and she’s proud of it. I met her last June 2008 when I started working in the Philippine Association for Intercultural Development (PAFID) Inc.
She is sweet and thoughtful, always wear a smile and her laugh is very contagious. She lightens up the crowd.
I once had a talk with her one night, and she shares with me her experience before the kind hearted employees of PAFID helped her with her Education.
During her early years, she would walk 4 kilometers a day to reach school, and there were even times that she has to attend school not caring if she has food as long as she can attend the class.
But what is so remarkable about her is that she is determined to finish school and to make something out of herself someday. She’d do everything just to finish school, support family and to be of service to her tribe. She is a Mamanwa, and she is proud to be one. And you know what? I am proud of her too.
At this moment, I am so inspired by life’s wonders. This moment teaches me that even handicaps can be extraordinary… indeed I am inspired by the life of a man who once said that “You don’t have to be handicapped to be different, everybody is different.” The guy who has been the inspiration in the award winning movie: “Rain Man”, the real Raymond Rabbit… Kim Peek.
He can finish reading EIGHT BOOKS in ONE DAY… or read a SINGLE PAGE in just TEN SECONDS. Imagine that. Amazing, isn’t it? What’s more remarkable is that… everything he read since THREE years old were preserved. And to think he was diagnosed to be mentally retarded. And that the doctors recommend him to be put to an institution. But his parents stand with their son and took care of him.
Based on the research, by the UC San Francisco, Kim has a different brain structure… he doesn’t have a division on his brain like most normal brains (it doesn’t have a left and right brain), He has a great memory when it comes to information, however, he has deficits when it comes to THEORY OF MIND (the ability of a person to understand what the other person is thinking) meaning he doesn’t know how to conceptualize. He can give you facts about different events, politics, numbers… but he can’t explain why.
He is just one example of a person who has savant autism. Until now, the reason unto why individuals experience this kind of defect is still not known. And up to this date, there is still no cure for it.
I admire the patience and effort Fran Peek gave to his son. Indeed it is not easy taking care of Kim 24 hours a day. And yet he did it anyway… out of his love for Kim. They worked hand in hand to inform the world about autism and be an example to those parents who has kids with autism.
Their story brought learning to me… Kim Peek, on his own way was able to make an important role in the world, because of him being autistic. He had opened people’s eyes to look at individuals with autism with respect and understanding. He did his part. And he was good at it.
If people like Kim Peek can make a difference, why can’t we do the same? In our own simple ways, we can make things happen.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Ayyi and I went on for a walk and both agreed to have an Ice Cream so we headed on a restaurant... and we delighted ourselves with a chocolate parfait. (hmmm... so sweet!!!) It's not really everyday that you get the chance to see an inspiration from other people... and I had that chance today... and I am thankful that I had that moment with Ayyi.
I was kinda surprised to hear that someone we knew is really into some difficulty... more than that of I am experiencing at the moment... but it doesnt seem to be visible in her eyes... she is a picture of a light hearted person... she is so cheerful and so down to earth that I didn't know she is facing a great challenge in her life... from her, I gained an inspiration... She inspired me to look at life with high hopes... she reminds me that I am not the only person going through so much difficulty... and that no matter what a person is going through... how one look at things makes the difference. She looked at life with a spark in her eyes despite the challenges. I believed, that moment was for me... a moment for me to look at my life with a smile on my face... believing that things will fall just fine... as said... "if fear knocks on the door of your heart, send faith to open it and you will be free from distress."
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Sometimes, when we feel entirely depressed about the situation we are in, we try to hold on to it a little longer, thinking it would somehow ease the pain. And in times like this, it is indeed so hard to look at things with a spark in our eyes when you feel your heart is deeply mourning...
But what we somehow neglect, is that even those moments when we are in pain, is a blessing. It may be hard to understand when we are in a hurtful situation... but as the moment fades, you'll then realize that it is a great blessing indeed. It is in this moment when we feel pain that we are given the chance to have a thorough reflection... both mind and heart. A moment, when we learn the lesson of humility and endurance... a perfect moment to understand those people who have also been experiencing pain... a perfect moment to reach out to those people who is in dire need for company... as they said, "who is more to understand someone in pain, than that who also experience the same way".
I myself couldn't look at things with gratitude sometimes when I feel really bad... and all I want is to pamper that hurt by locking myself in my room and cry it out thinking it would do me good. Sometimes, it does it help, but crying it out over and over again is like running in circles and not moving on.
I had that moment of pain... and it took me a while to realize that I am just finding an excuse to face the real situation of the matter... and the only way that helped me get through the dilemma of getting out of the comfort zone, is a moment spent with isolation and a prayer. A way of clearing my mind and heart of the negative emotions and thoughts running over me... also a moment to grasp good thoughts through prayers...
This day is indeed important to me... because I am looking beyond my "thinking only of myself" and think about the other who needs me the most.
Where do we go when everything else falls apart? How do you keep yourself back on your feet when your strength has left? So you see. Things are different, and you realized that people you know are not really the person you thought they were, even if you know them all your life. And you end up getting hurt even more.
You tried so hard to make things okay, but with all the effort, everything seems to be useless, because no matter what you do, things will never be the same again. How do you brace yourself to still continue to live your life with a smile on your face, when you know that deep inside, you are deeply shattered? Why do you have to forgive someone, who doesn't even ask for it? How do you forget? How do you start all over without remembering that painful past? How do you look at someone without a picture of yesterday that caused you to change? How do you build broken relationships?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
What is meditation?
according to Wikipedia:
Meditation describes a state of concentrated attention on some object of thought or awareness. It usually involves turning the attention inward to a single point of reference. Meditation is often recognized as a component of eastern religions, where it has been practiced for over 5,000 years. Different meditative disciplines encompass a wide range of spiritual and/or psychophysical practices which can emphasize development of either a high degree of mental concentration, or the apparent converse, mental quiescence.
Why do we have to meditate?
Not only does meditation plays a big help in quieting the mind, it also helps treat and prevent heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, strokes and other diseases as well a blood pressure in people with hypertension.
I'm actually starting to meditate these days... and believe me... it does help. :)
Friday, January 9, 2009
After 2 months, I finally finished reading the book of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s “Bad Childhood – Good Life” (the longest time I’ve ever read a book, by the way). For some reasons, I wasn’t so comfortable reading the book, it kinda bring a pang of pain. And I’m not actually the type who wants to go back to the scenarios and relive the animosity again. At first, reading the book is such a dilemma… since there were some insights in the book that seemed to be paradoxical in the way I’m used to deal with people and life itself. So I put the book down and stopped reading it for a week… only to pick it up again eager to know where the book is driving at.
Though some points in the book seem to be contradictory to what I believed in… there are also points that are indeed rightful and helpful in making a life better. Indeed, it is really a matter of choice. Like choosing to stay in the comfort zone, and linger on to what you are used to… or staying out of it and choose to welcome growth.
At some point, the book has inspired me in looking at life… making decisions… and what I want out of it. I have always wanted to be independent, and my being independent gave me the opportunity to grow, along with that learning is the realization that being independent doesn’t mean being alone. That family will always be family and it is meant to be celebrated all the time. And I learned to appreciate the things life has offered me. And value the people who have shown kindness and love… people that I sometimes neglect… family.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
For the past few days, I get to encounter this line at most times: “LET GO OF YOUR ISAAC.” I can’t help but think about it.
As Carissa and I were on our way home… I shared with her those words that have been bothering me for days.
ME: “They keep telling me about letting go of my Isaac, but I don’t even know what my Isaac is.”
CARISSA: “Isipin mo yung isang bagay na nagpapasaya sayo na kailangan mong pakawalan kasi yun ang dapat.”(Think of something that makes you happy but has to let go because it is the right thing to do.)
I was silent for a moment… then she went on…
CARISSA: “I’ve been there, God told me to let go of my Isaac and si _____ ang Isaac ko. I obeyed, it wasn’t easy but still I obeyed and I’m glad I did. God gave me something better.”
On my way home, Carissa’s words sank in to me… I keep repeating those lines in my mind: “Let go of my Isaac” while trying to reflect on my life at the very moment. I know in my heart that I have to let go of something… but I just don’t know what it is.
Then a certain scenario flashed my mind. I was torn between two options. I guess this is what it’s all about. And I realized that this has been goin’ on for quite a time now, and I guess I really have to make a decision now… I have to get out of my comfort zone once again and face the upcoming events of my life. I have to give up what I have been holding on for some time now, start another level of maturity. Accepting that, it is just not the right time for me to have what I have always wanted, I have to let God decide unto which road to take.
That was my Isaac… giving up the thing that mattered so much to me, and allowing God to take control of my life.
Friday, January 2, 2009
One can choose to whine about how sour can a lemon be, how one's face pucker because of it, and yet continue to taste that sour lemon because that's the way it has always been… instead of making a fuss about that lemon who would always be sour? One can choose to simply find another way of enjoying that lemon... squeezing the juice perhaps... add sugar... makes lemonade.
It’s not about how sour the lemon is. It’s about how one deal with it and makes use of the sour lemon. It’s like staying out of the comfort zone… staying out of what it has always been… if one knows that it hurts, one can always find a way to transform that hurt into something better. Why linger on something not rewarding when one can move on to something more worthwhile?