FOCUS

the sun is up...

and haven't really finished revising my script... oh well, few hours from now were on our way for our shoot. nyahaha. and the script isnt finished yet... duh...

FOCUS. i need to FOCUS as what Teng Mangansakan, also a Filmmaker, keeps on reminding fellow filmmakers for like a week now. LEARN rhon... LEARN.


As if really i have the choice not to finish the script huh? hmmm... i wonder whats taking me so long, when i only need to revise the scripts... and to think there are only few revisions.!!! grrr.... again it leads to FOCUS.

Okay... maybe i should sit back for a while and start to meditate... perhaps i need to refill my energy and creativity tank... to finish a good story... POSITIVITY? get in to me NOW.

Cloud 9

After so many sleepless nights doing video editing stuffs, I finally had the chance to spend time with myself and pamper myself a little… filling up my energy tank for another more workload…Yes, I finally decided to engage myself in Video Editing… after web development… I’m so hooked up with video editing these days.

I still remember how frustrated I was few days ago… because I almost wasn’t able to present the video I was making because the computer I was using is not compiling due to low memory, good thing my friends, Coi and Fern was there to help me make things possible… and I would have not eaten the whole day if they had not found a way. (I’ll be doomed for life!!!) The project is very crucial for the office I’m working for… since it’s meant to be presented to the Australian Review Team for the evaluation of the company… I felt so lucky that time when I finally presented the video on TIME. (Whew… despite the hassles… time was still on my side…)

I am just so happy with the feedbacks that I’ve been hearing… my boss can’t even thank me enough… as well as those people I’ve worked with… Indeed its elating to have someone appreciate what you do… its been a while since someone took notice of my works… and it is just so inspiring that my sleepless nights indeed paid off.

* All SMILES =)

In Disguise

Man of worth… as what they see

You got it all… and so they say

You got power, wealth and fame

Perfection… is what they thought you are

Indeed you make things happen in just a snap

And with that you are loved…

But who are you beneath the mask?

Who are you beneath your lies?

I say, you’re a beast hiding in glamour

A devil in disguise

Sure you made them believe through your fake smile

Sure you made them listen through your kind words

And with just a little tear… you have gained support

Laugh out now… laugh it all out

In your laugh you broke her soul

I hope you realize her worth

Before time takes its turn

And you end up all alone

Remember the past, remember it all

Remember everything before the fame

Remember her… who was there to share your pain

Your pillar, who loved you when no one did

Take her for granted like it has always been

But let me remind you

She is not forever yours

For time has awakened her…

Tomorrow, she's no longer there

Tomorrow she will be gone

Off to find the life that she deserves

You had your chance, but you waste it away

Now’s her turn do things her way

You forgot… as you always do

that behind your success… there was her.

(sniffs...)

-rhon-

Si Bumblebee at ang Matapang na Bubuyog

Nagtipon-tipon ang mga nilalang sa isang malaking kasiyahan… hayun si Bumblebee, palakad-lakad habang kinakamayan ang lahat ng makasalamuha… nandun din ang matapang na bubuyog na kinakamayan din si Bumblebee. Teka nga? Tama ba itong nakikita ko? Ang matapang na bubuyog na sa aking pagkakaalam ay ang mga malapit sa kanya ay matinik na kaaway ni Bumblebee? Hmmm… ang bilis namang magbago ng takbo ng pangyayari…
Kung hindi ako nagkakamali… noong isang linggo lang ay masyadong matapang ang pananalita ng mtapang na bubuyog na ito… animo’y isang hari na walang kinatatakutan.. kaya na man napahanga niya ako… dahil sa angkin niyang tapang… subalit sa nakikita ko? Takot ba siya kay Bumblebee? Si Bumblebee na walang ginawa kundi ang ipakita ang kanyang pagkaipokriito… si bumblebee na sadyang makapal ang mukha na walang ginawa kundi ang ipakita sa lahat kung sino ang hari… na kahit ang malaking pagkakamali niya ay kaya niyang gawing tama?
Tingnan mo nga naman si Bumblebee… nakikipagbiruan pa sa matapang na bubuyog. Ang dating Mortal na magkatunggali… ngayon ay animo’y matagal nang magkaibigan. Hay… sana lang hindi magbago ang disposisyon ng matapang na bubuyog na ito. Sana naman ay hindi malason ang kanyang pag-iisip sa mga matatamis na salitang iminumungkahi ni Bumblebee.
Madaming naglalaro sa aking isipan ngayon… Bakit nililigawan ulit ni Bumblebee ang matapang na bubuyog? Kaya ba talagang Talikuran ng Matapang na Bubuyog ang kanyang prinsipyo kapalit ng isang kasiguraduhan sa hinaharap?
Isa lang ang alam ko ngayon? Na ang pagsasawalang kibo ng matapang na bubuyog sa kanyang mga binitiwang pangako sa umaasa sa kanya at ang pkikipagmabutihan kay bumblebee ay isang kaduwagan. Manindigan ka! Ang pagsasawalang kibo mo sa mga nangyayari ay isang patunay na ikaw ay isang kaaway! Na ikaw ay mapanlinlang! Ikaw na hinahangaan ko ay kasingkulay pala ng dugo ni Bumblebee…

Isang Gabi Habang Umuulan =)

Tumingin ako sa relo ng opisina… Alas otso y media na pala ng gabi… pambihira… buong hapon na pala akong nakababad sa computer na ito… saka ko lang naisip… kumakalam na pala ang sikmura ko… GUTOM na ako!!!

Lumapit ako kay Gen… na kanina pa pala naghihintay upang sabay kaming kumain… nakaligtaan ko yata… paalis na kami nang dumating ang isang kliyente… haay.. salamat libreng hapunan na naman po kami =p

Naglakad kami papuntang restaurant kasama ang isang kliyente na manlilibre sa amin ng hapunan… sa hirap ng buhay ngayon… may libre pa pala? Hehehe

Habang kumakain… hindi namin napigilan ang tumawa nang tumawa dahil na rin sa kakaibang patutsada ni Gen at pati ang Kliyente ay nakisali na rin… nariyan pa si Mona na lagi akong napapatawa sa simpleng kibot lang… =)

Nakakatuwa naman… matagal na rin akong hindi nakakatawa na halos sumakit ang aking tiyan sa tinding katuwaan… haay… ang saya… sana naman maulit ang ganito.

Natapos ang hapunan… kanya kanyang uwian… alas onse na ng gabi at katatapos lang ng malakas na ulan… paglabas namin ng restaurant ay umaambon pa… sasakay sana kami ng taxi, pero naisip kong maglakad na muna… hmmm naisip kong lubusin na ang pagkakataong ito na ipakita ang aking kawirduhan… nakakamiss ang ganito… maglakad sa ilalim ng patak ng ulan… J nakisama na rin sa akin si Gen at si Mona.

Naisip ko… ang tagal ko nang hindi nagagawa ang ganito… nalala ko tuloy ang ibang taong sinamahan rin ako habang naglalakad sa ulan… SIYA… Sabay kaming naglalakad sa ulan… tulad ko may pagkaweirdo rin… heheeh weirdo ba ako? Hindi alintana ang lakas ng ulan… lumalakad kami na para bang hindi kami mababasa… ninanamnam ang sandaling umuulan… dahil mamaya ay hihinto na rin ito...Kinabukasan… lalagnatin kami pareho…

Kumusta na kaya SIYA? Kumusta KA na ba? Kailan kaya tayo mag-uusap ulit ano? Hmmm… siguro malapit na… konting panahon na lang… handa na akong makipag-usap sa IYO.

-AKO

Si Lola Inay

My friend, Joy and I were having dinner at Al’s Diner… we were discussing the things we are supposed to work on to for the next day, when she received a message about her grandmother, found unconscious by her sister. It was really a shocking and awkward moment for me…I don’t know what to say to keep her from worrying… and instincts tells me, that I just have to be there for her… even without a single word. I thought that it’s better not to say anything than say something I might regret.

She was telling me about how she makes her grandmother laugh… and how she takes care of her… and it worries her because she’s not there to help her grandmother. I know how she felt… because I used to feel that way some years ago.

I remember my grandmother would visit us once in a while and would cook good food for us… and I eat everything that she cooks… I don’t eat eggplant because if I do? I’ll probably end up vomiting. But with her, I’m confident eating it… I don’t know how she does it but I can actually eat an eggplant without having to puke. J

Our “lola inay” is very workaholic. She couldn’t stand a few minutes not doing anything. I missed her Batangeña accent. “Ala eh, habi riyan at ako’y nagwawalis ng sahig” (move aside, I’m sweeping the floor) that was her common lines… and when we get naughty she has a way of making us feel guilty: Ala eh, ang sama baga ng ugali nito…hindi ko gusto eh… ala eh, di na ako babalik dito… ang tigas ng ulo mo eh.” (I don’t like your attitude… I’m not coming back here, you’re so hardheaded) and feeling guilty and still wanting to spend time with her… I would then beg her to stay and would offer to comb her very long hair. And she would then smile. And when she smiles, I know were fine J then while combing her hair; she would share to me a poem she learned in her childhood it goes something like:

“Ako po’y Tabing at nagpapailaya,

Tatawid ng ilog at mangangalsada,

Ako’y may nakitang paring nagmimisa

Ang wika sa aki’y magsimba ka muna

Ako’y lumuhod sa tabi ng pader

Ang tinutunghay ko… ang birhen sa langit.”

All of her grandchildren would memorize the poem and would recite it in front of her… I don’t know if all my cousins still remember that poem but I did. I kept it by heart. My way of remembering her… and the quality moments I had with her.

Year 2000, she was diagnosed with cancer. Nobody told her about her condition for the reason that she might end up feeling depressed. Even us, her grandchildren didn’t know about it. Until one day, she went to a point of not able to walk again.

I had the chance to spend time with her for two weeks… it wasn’t easy taking care if her… seeing her in that condition broke my heart. I know she’s suffering and I can’t do anything but just be there for her and take care of her in anyway I can. And the night before I left, she was actually in tears… I was in tears as well, but I never let it show… her voice was weak, she said: “Uuwi ka na… wala ng mag-aalaga sa akin. Hindi na nga yata ako gagaling eh.” (No one’s going to take care of me anymore when you leave, perhaps I’ll never get any better) I told her not to lose hope… and that she’ll get better. But I know I was lying… because the Doctor already told us the truth. Then she gave me her last words… “Sabihin mo sa kuya mo na, wag na niya ako isakay sa kotse na puti. Mag-aral na kamo siya ng mabuti.” (Tell your brother to not to tour me with his white car anymore. Tell him to study hard.) Before I left, she asked me to massage her back… then I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. And that was my last moment with my “lola inay” a few days after I left, she passed away.

My mom shared to us what lola inay told her before lola inay died. “Yung damit kong puti na isinuot ko sa kasal ni Sheila ang susuotin ko pag akoy namatay… yung iba kong damit ipamigay niyo na” (I’m going to use the white dress I wore in Sheila’s wedding when I die. Give my other clothes away) She talks as if she already knew she is going to leave. Then she paused for a moment, and continued, “Tingnan mo ako Delia, aalis ako na walang ibang dala kundi ang nag-iisang damit na isusuot ko pag ako’y namatay.” (Look at me Delia, I’m going away without anything to bring except the only dress I wear when I die)

Today I learned that the hurt of losing someone who mattered to you never really go away… it stays right there in the depth of your heart… the only thing one can do is get used to the pain. My lola inay, left us on that 13^th day of November, 2000.

Even until this moment, I had those words with me… I kept it with me… a simple memory that makes me near to tears… because I know she loved us so much… and the kind of love she had for us was selfless.

The Other Side of Her...

She went away with a strong conviction of making it on her own… along the way, sometimes things turn out well but at most times it doesn’t.

Still, she portrayed that strong character… pretended to be hard… just so to show that she’ll stand her ground no matter what it is she needs to pass through. Perhaps she was able to convince people that she is indeed doing well.

But in her room, when nobody’s there… the moment she is alone… she is shedding a tear. Right there, one would realize that she is not at all that strong.

One may have a notion of her being tough, but dare to look in the depth of her eyes and one would see… she is also human. She has a heart… and it also hurts. Like most people, she also wish someone would be there to give her solace when she is in great pain… she also wished for that someone who would understand and accept the person that she was and the person that she is now.

She sometimes gets tired of wearing a mask… also gets tired of the fast paced world… that she sometimes wished to go back to where, things were not so complicated.

She has to remain tough; she has to keep up with what life has to offer. She knows she can never go back to the way things were. All the tears shed in her room, would remain in that corner forever. This is the reality she has to face.